Thursday, February 4, 2010

Hillary, Haylee, Halle


All of these suck. Haylee, for the same reason as Kaylee, except maybe a little bit grosser because of the "Hay" part. Halle sucks, and I can't really explain my reasons. Maybe because it makes me think of an old man named Hal whose wife calls him Hally when they are getting cuddly and calling each other pet names. Hillary sucks because A. It sounds gross, B. It feels gross to say it out loud, and C. It's even ugly when written down. Hillary is gutteral and sour; it's like gargling old milk. It kind of makes you shudder when spoken. FAMOUS HILLARYS: Hillary Rodham Clinton (This name seems to fit her nicely--she is kind of sour and gutteral, though quite powerful and important. I like her.), Hillary Swank (Though her entire name is kind of ugly, it's kind of badass....or maybe I just can't get past Million Dollar Baby, Boys Don't Cry and The Next Karate Kid...also on that note, we can thank her graciously for her appearances in 90210 and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'm totally a fan, and I will try and overlook "P.S. I Love You", and "The Reaping"....so embarassing.) Hillary Swank is also really hot. See attached photo for confirmation.

Always and Forever, "Kay"

Kaylee

Okay, so yes, it's my name, and yes, it sucks. I think maybe I liked it when I was a kid...you know, I thought I was "different and unique"--because in the 80's it really wasn't that widespread. Now Kaylee is everywhere (Kaleigh, Kaylie, Kailey, whatever). People think it's hip and "pretty" which totally grosses me out. The reason why it sucks so much is because Kaylee is a five year old girl's name. A five year old that likes water babies, barbies, and dressing up like a princess for Halloween (been there, okay). It's completely UN-timeless. Like, what am I going to do when I'm 70 and introduce myself as "Kaylee" ? It's embarassing, just like it will be for all the Brittany's and Ashley's and Heather's. People are going to have to call me "Kay" (disgusting) simply because Kaylee will be age innapropriate and shameful for someone with drooping skin and a walker. I'm fucked.

Thoughtfully Yours, "Kay"